i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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