Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
