FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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