Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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