Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
