Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
