Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
