Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
