God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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