well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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