Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
