Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
