Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
