I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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