i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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