We won't sleep together?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
