my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
