Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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