yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
