Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
