how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
