I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
