i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
