We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
