I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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