It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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