is your mom at the bar?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
