the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
