I want to have your abortion
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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