He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
