Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
