it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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