I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
