Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We got so high we made milksteak
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
