actually, I'm a sock model
Can Purell be used as lube?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
