the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
