: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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