I want to walk on stilts...naked
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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