I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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