Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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