Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
