Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
