yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize