just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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