just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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