I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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