he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
