I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize