I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
