hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm at about main and main street
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
