Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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