Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
