I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
