if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
