Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He passed out mid-signature
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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