make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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