put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize