so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
