I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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