is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
