I think im going to throw up on grandma
the condom got lost in my hair
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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