glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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