Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
