Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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