did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
