New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
