I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
