Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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