Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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