home. puking in laundry basket.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
