i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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