He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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