My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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