I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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