We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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