Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
