it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
