Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
