Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize