He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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