Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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